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SHADOW OF THE IDEN SERPENT

In ANYTHING on March 11, 2014 at 12:45 pm

adam: oh come on!
how can i be blamed…
isn’t you who created the woman?
the woman you gave me gave me the fruit
and i ate!
how can i be blamed?
ask the woman…

eve: nah, not my fault!
this serpent you created deceived me.
you know it’s not my fault!
blame me not.
the snake, it deceived me!
look, there’s the sly snake…ask it…

serpent: [the serpent forks its tongue…hissing; wriggling its
tail- causing some rustling on the leafed floor of the
edenic garden…it stares scornfully.]

britelife: [running after the serpent…]
is it not you “papa-adam” and “mama-eve”
is talking to?
what have you to say?

serpent: [hisses again…]

deeran: [tugging at britelife’s oversized shirt…]
you’d better leave that serpentine creature
alone!

vil: why are we just standing here?
can’t we kill this snake and eat?

judy2: [thinking of korean cuisine]
here’s a stick vil…
use it to hit it on its head;
i can make korean snake soup
with it!

peacetee: [concerned about animal protection]
is that not maltreatment and extinction
of endangered species?
let’s ask olanajim’s philosophical view on
this…olanajim?

olanajim: i wonder how and why the snake spoke!
it’s a supernatural phenomenon at this age
of creation for a serpent to speak so confusingly!
the mechanics for the vocal, bucal cavity is not
supposed to be well-developed at this age of man…
i shall predicate it on the artificiality of the eventuality
around the superficiality of celestiality…

prince: too much grammar!
less talk- more action, please.
can i have the stick and kill the snake?

bigjay: [wondering what the sex of the snake is…]
ehn- bros, before you hammer the serpent;
can i know the gender- sex – of the serpent?
and is it a virgin or not? how many partners
does it have?

diva_gal: you’ve not even been through
with daughters of eve!
you’re already running after
serpentine chick…

anny: is sex with serpent not a good exercise?
please bigjay, carry on!

kinzo: [he walks in like the prince in “coming to america”…]
kinzo king is here for the show too.

tukur: [coughing mischievously…as he struts toward kinzo]
two of us can play the snake and ladder game, you know.
you climb. i climb.

furtune: [wondering what his own action or word will be…]
stop it, bestiality!

naijaecash: [calculating the market viability of the serpent’s skin…]
please, my people- how much e-gold can i make
from this silly serpent?

kendan: if you’ve been to sodom, south africa or nigeria
the serpent’s skin is worth a million shekels…

megabucks: but first to make its sale profitable
you’ve got to have an effective online
marketing and promotional base…

kufreabasi: please, gimme the snake! let me eat.

abuman: with this serpentine situation…
it is not uncustomary for snakes
to have incestuous relationships
amongst themselves….
serpentine-sex relationship between man and
hiss-animals; i’ll say each one to his tent!

shadow: who picks the last number of snake?

tytylayor: i am trying to guess the job of the serpent…

goldenrolly: the serpent is a confusionist!

edisha: do not condemn the work of holy father…

yemmight: could the serpent be lonely?
is the snake single?

lady: maybe the serpent made love to her!
who knows?

aminah: i guess it is god’s will for the snake…
nothing happens without his knowledge!

freddiewit: i bet the serpent’s not as witty as me…
i challenge the serpent to a wit’s contest!

babazinnih: if it’s who wants to be a millionnaire
i can challenge the serpent…

rivermaya: is the snake by the riverside of babylon?

crown4me: how can that be?
only kings reside by that river…
kings like me who has the crown!

sleek: if the serpent is as sleek as me
i think we shall let it go…
so let’s see who makes the last post here!

olufemi: does the serpent belong to the rank
of global moderators?
or, could the snake be searching
single sisters on the forum?

(…all the while the virtual satan sits there
listening and reading the blabbers of everyone…
pulling the strings of the hissing serpent
that’s unconcerned about everyone’s point of view…
the majority could not carry the vote…
but yet, they all blame satan!
satan vexes…what next?)

the drama continues…shortly:

satan: [sitting still…not having said a word
all this while. he is breathing fire and brimstone;
his eyeballs looking like fiery gorges…sitting
cross-legged, tapping his crooked fingers on
his knees…or, what looked so!
then he stands up satanically- in akimbo…
he opens his mouth, as if to talk, but closes
it again; his dilating pupils surveillancing everything
around him…he heaves. he sighs. he coughs.
he snickers. he growls…then, he roars…
(we can wait forever, but, i don’t see him talking)]

judy2: what are you guys rapping about?
has diva_gal become a commodity?
or, is she a barbie-doll?!

prince: no, she’s a sex-goddess.

crown4me: whatever you guys do, lemme
have my fair share…
or, i’ll tell heavenly authorities!

speak2me: you can go to hell!

funshy: can i follow him?

kufreabasi: why not?
in fact, i’ll send some calabar girls
to accompany you!

abuman: no way!
we have some very pretty, of age
women here in afghanistan who are
for men like them…

menene: since am about to start my beer parlour
business; can someone beg satan to
release the serpent for me…so that
judy2 can make korean snakesoup with it?

tukur: hey, my friend- you’re trying to play
with the cobra’s fangs!

kinzo: let him “jasi”…no long thing!

peacetee: but the serpent is really long…
and you’re saying no long thing?

tytylayor: [wondering what’s happening…then goes
back to playing her game]
i am here!

shadow: [playfully running after her own shadow…]
is there any other number to pick apart from
666?

sleek: hey gurl, try 999!

micheal: it goes beyond all that…

newstart: is there a chance in hell to
start a business with someone

THE INTERLUDE…

oops!

the production props fall apart…
the crew are put asunder!
the creative producer and the executive
director shall be back shortly!

…serious arguments ensue
in the production/studio room

first voice: [soft but indifferent] calm down…i say calm  down…

second voice: [strong and fierce like the sound of
thunder in the night booms]
he’d better calm down, or else…

third voice: [timid-sounding but firm…]
or else what?

second voice: [speaking as if with broken jaw…]
or else, i will clamp you down!
i’ll rubbish you live and direct…

production/studio room: [silence reigns again]…

CURTAINS DOWN…

adam: it is Eve’s fault for being suspicious of my whereabouts.

eve: It is Adam’s fault for leaving me alone; to chase after other women

adam: but you are the only woman on earth

eve: how can i be sure of that

adam: you can find out if you want to

eve: very mad ;how can i when i don’t go out with you.

adam: why not count my ribs

[somewhere close to a bushy garden that looks like the lost garden of eden…
a young man is playing with what looks like a rusted sword; he seems fascinated with
what he has found…then, someone appears on the stage looking beaten and worn-out]

sir iyke: [screaming] give that sword back to me – and now!

solo: [the young man playing with the rusted sword] hey! hey! take it easy man…

sir iyke: [spittle dripping out of his mouth]…(he hissed)

solo: but i didn’t take the sword from you [showing it to him]

[sir iyke attempted to grab the sword away from solo…there seems to be some scuffles as
both fall to the ground struggling over the sword…; “hey! hey! hey! stop fighting” a voice came
from the background. it was kendan].

kendan: now two-fighting! will you stop the struggle?

solo: [panting like a fish abandoned on a sandy beach] he’s trying to steal away this sword from me.

sir iyke: [looking worse more than before] it’s a lie. a very big lie. the sword is mine.

kendan: [looking confidently confused, wonders how to approach the matter carefully…and now many   folks are milling around them] we shall settle this amicably…

achibobo: [who is amongst the teeming crowd cuts in] ha! i know that sword!

marcus orji: [adding his voice] me too!

ebony: isn’t that sword what we used to cut cocoyams in the farm
in the olden days?

islandgirl: i thought you’d know better

icebabe: maybe there’s something about the sword we’re missing

michael: whatever it is, let’s just separate these two fighters before it becomes a
free-for-all fight.

abuman: ok. ok. two fighters! stand apart!

furtune: [looking exasperated] is it like that you’d separate them?

kinzo: [rolling up his trousers and flexing his muscle] ok. you [calling on achibobo and maduka marcus orji]
hold that one and you, hold the other one, as i take the sword from their hands.

diva_gal: [hissing] na wah oh! this must be satan’s sword…

genie: what’s this hullabaloo all about? don’t you folks have more important things to do?

(now separated, the two fighters {sir iyke and solo} look like men thrown down a one-storey building into a pool of muddy water; the two keep panting, speechless and they appear they are going to faint at any point in time)

islandgirl: shall we get these pitiable fellows some drink?

kinzo: no way! not until they explain this their unruly behaviour…

graceded: [supporting kinzo] yes, why are they disturbing public peace?
me and just wedded wife were about doing something when we heard
all this noise going on…and we don’t want to appear like the proverbial
couple whose apartment was on fire yet went on to sleep doing nothing
about it.

icebabe: are you kidding me?

FACE OF A FACECROOK: SHOULD I FALL FOR THIS?

In ANYTHING on January 15, 2013 at 12:22 pm
  • Today

12:50

Debo Adeniran

can you help to get MTN card right now ?

12:51

Akinloye Junior Jr.

How do I do that?

12:51

Debo Adeniran

all i need is 6000

i will refund your money on thrusday

12:52

Akinloye Junior Jr.

N6,000 recharge card

That’s it. Right?

12:52

Debo Adeniran

yes

yes

12:52

Akinloye Junior Jr.

Where do you want the cards delivered?

12:53

Debo Adeniran

you can send it here

am still here online

12:54

Akinloye Junior Jr.

How do you intend to refund?

12:54

Debo Adeniran

you can send me your account details

and i will send it to you on thursday morning

12:55

Akinloye Junior Jr.

I won’t be able to grant your request

12:56

Debo Adeniran

why ???

12:56

Akinloye Junior Jr.

I think you don’t know me…

Or, do you?

12:57

Debo Adeniran

ok

can you do this for me ?

12:58

Akinloye Junior Jr.

What?

 

2013: A POETIC INSIGHT INTO A NEW YEAR

In ANYTHING, Uncategorized on January 14, 2013 at 9:15 am

2013

by Bayo Akinloye

Staring but not seeing…

Are there clairvoyant eyes

Peeking into Nostradamus’ cauldron

Of concocted tomorrows

I behold twenty colours of confusion

And thirteen of convolution

Pessimistic!

Isn’t 2013 a magical era

Fireworks, tongues of fire heralding it

Billions keeping vigil just for a sight

While eternity passes us by

2013

At twenty why are we still acting like a blasphemous teen

2014: A FUTURE TENSE

In ANYTHING on January 11, 2013 at 8:51 am

2014

In the passion of my impatience
I am conjuring your future presence
2013 is to me a past tense
Do bear with my incorrigible defiance

2014
Unfold the depth of your essence
Do abide by my insistence
As I behold your fences
In the faraway borders of limitlessness
Enshroud in sworn silence

Grant me the licence
Oh dear tomorrow, please
Come to me in your silence
Before they begin to burn incense
At your feet, meaningless rites
Signposting endless strifes

2014
Am I pointless?
I am helpless
Am I hopeless
In your distant absence?
I grope for your presence
In my cluelessness
I may find your peace…

Three killed as okada riders spin on expressway

In ANYTHING on December 17, 2012 at 8:19 am

Three persons died, while several others were injured, on Friday, in Isara, Ogun State, in an accident that occurred after two commercial motorcyclists spun their bikes in a practice on LagosIbadan Expressway.

Witnesses told Saturday Tribune that the young men, believed to be from the Northern part of the country, had ridden from Isara onto the expressway and decided to practise spinning while waiting for passengers.

It was learnt that while the stunt was on, two 14-seater buses, which suddenly came upon the men were forced to slow down to avoid crushing them, but the decision came at a cost.

A trailer coming behind the buses on a top speed pushed them off the road. Three occupants of the vehicles and reportedly died from the impact of the accident.

“Despite the blaring of the buses, the boys continued trying to outsmart each other on the road,” said a witness.

It was gathered that one of the buses, marked: XX 403 FST, with the inscription: “Sunshine Express,” loaded from Ojota, Lagos and was headed for Akure, Ondo State, while the other, a white colour bus, departed Iyana Ipaja, Lagos, with Ado-Ekiti, Ekiti State-bound passengers.

Saturday Tribune learnt that while one of the okada riders later died from an injury he sustained in the accident, the injured passengers were rushed to TC Hospital and Fakoya Hospital, both in Sagamu, by security operatives.

Officials of the Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC), who were at the scene, declined to speak to the press, insisting that they had no authority to do so.

2013: A POETIC INSIGHT INTO A NEW YEAR

In ANYTHING on December 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm

2013

by Bayo Akinloye

Staring but not seeing…

Are there clairvoyant eyes

Peeking into Nostradamus’ cauldron

Of concocted tomorrows

I behold twenty colours of confusion

And thirteen of convolution

Pessimistic!

Isn’t 2013 a magical era

Fireworks, tongues of fire heralding it

Billions keeping vigil just for a sight

While eternity passes us by

2013

At twenty why are we still acting like a blasphemous teen

FULL LIST OF WINNERS AT THE NMMA 2012 AWARDS

In ANYTHING on December 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

In all, 54 awards were given at the well attended event, the 22nd edition. The awards included three which were given to distinguished Nigerians for their outstanding contributions to the society.

Sam Omatseye Columnist of the Year.

Olatunji Ololade Ernest Sisei Ikoli Prize for Newspaper Reporter of the Year and the BAT Prize for Industry Reporter of the Year

Muyiwa Adetula- Nnamdi Azikwe Cartoonist of the Year.

Olugbon Adedoyin Saheed News Photographer of the Year

PUNCH –Editorial Writing of the Year

Oketola Adedayo -Telecommunication Reporter of the Year

The Punch – the Newspaper of the Year

Adeyeye Joseph – Editor of the Year.

Adejuwon Soyinka of TELL – Gani Fawehinmi Prize for Human Rights Reporter of the Year

Channels Television (the Television Station of the Year)

Deji Bademosi won the Television Reporter of the Year

Classic FM was declared Radio Station of the Year.

Okusan Olalekan  The Guardian- Sports Reporter of Year.

Bayo Akinloye, National Standard news-magazine – Political Reporter of the Year

Ayodeji Adeyemi, Tell – Entertainment Reporter of the Year

Mordi Raymond Osemudia, Tell- Power Reporter of the Year

Sina Fadare, National Mirror -Agriculture Reporter of the Year

Sulaimon Olanrewaju, Nigerian Tribune -Culture Reporter of the Year

Alabi Adebayo Mojeed (Newswatch) Education Reporter of the Year,

Ogundare Tubosun Alani (National Mirror) (Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) Reporter of the year)

Christopher Ajaero/Anthony Akaeze (Newswatch) jointly won Environment Reporter of the Year

Chikodi Anthony Okereocha (Energy Reporter of the Year)

Adebayo Folashade Grace, Tell (Foreign News Reporter of the Year)

Moreen Chigbo, Newswatch (Defence Reporter of the Year).

Ojo Abiodun Olawunmi, The Guardian won the Tourism Reporter of the Year.

Helen Eni of the Broadstreet Journal (BSJ) won the Insurance Reporter of the Year

Nnorom Nkiruka Eucharia, Newswatch, won the Banking and Finance Reporter award

Segun Edwards of Nigeria Compass emerged the Capital Market Reporter of the Year

The Maritime Reporter Award went to Adenubi Adetola of Nigeria News Direct

Emmanuel Ufot of Newswatch got the Aviation Reporter of the Year.

Tony Manuka of BSJ won the Money Market Reporter of the Year Award

Goodie Ofose (Daily Independent) is the Brand and Marketing Reporter of the Year

Maureen Chigbo (Newswatch), Oil and Gas Reporter of the Year

Tony Manuka (BSJ) got the Business Reporter of the Year award

Helen Eni of BSJ was the Female Reporter of the year

Kemi Ishola Balogun (Vanguard) is the Investigative Reporter of the year

Adekunle Yusuf (Tell) got the Print Journalist of the Year

Muyiwa Lucas (Tell) is the Newspaper Features Writer of the Year

Stella Sawyerr of Tell is the Estate/Construction Reporter of the Year

Business Day emerged the Business Publication of the Year

Tell – News Magazine of the year

Adetayo Solomon of Radio Nigeria got the Radio Reporter of the Year Award

Cordelia Okpei (FRCN, Network) as Radio Presenter of the Year

Ezebue Ifeyinwa Helen (VON) won the Radio Programme of the Year category

Anthonia Ike_Mbanefo got the Radio Production of the Year Award

Seun Olagunju of NTA is the Television Newscaster of the Year

Yvonne Henry Bassey, whose programme is aired on DSTV/Africa Magic, got both the TV Programme Presenter of the Year and TV Production of the year awards

BOKO HARAM – Don’t Talk to Mass Murderers, says Soyinka

In ANYTHING on November 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

LAGOS — Nigerian Nobel literature laureate Wole Soyinka said Friday that trying to end a deadly insurgency by Islamist extremist group Boko Haram through dialogue would amount to “abysmal appeasement.”

President Goodluck Jonathan earlier this year encouraged the Islamists, blamed for hundreds of deaths since 2009, to publicly state their demands, and his government has confirmed that “back-channel” talks with the group are ongoing.

“When I say, ‘don’t talk to murderers,’ that is exactly what I mean,” Soyinka told foreign media at an international conference in Lagos.

“Don’t talk to mass murderers. Don’t talk to those who have made the killing of innocent people their philosophy,” he added.

Soyinka described the violence blamed on the Islamists, which has included attacks on security forces, government officials and Christians in church, as “completely out of control.”

“Then you, the assaulted, say, ‘please, come and talk to us. Please, we don’t know what you want’ … What kind of language is that? That is the language of abysmal appeasement,” he said on the sidelines of the Kuramo Conference on development.

Nigerian security forces have so far been been unable to stamp out the violence and have themselves been accused of massive abuses in combatting the Islamists.

Amnesty International has charged the military with carrying out summary executions, particularly in the northeast where Boko Haram is based, and Human Rights Watch has said the military could be guilty of crimes against humanity in combatting the group.

“There has been the condemnable scorched earth policy of the military,” Soyinka said, adding that he believed that such killings had occurred.

Africa’s first Nobel literature prize winner however described the insurgency as a “security issue” that posed a new kind of challenge for Nigeria’s military.

Violence linked to Boko Haram is estimated to have claimed 2,800 lives since 2009, including killings by the security forces, with the worst violence concentrated in the mainly Muslim north of Africa’s most populous country.

The group has said it wants to create an Islamic state in the north, but its demands have continuously shifted.

Copyright © 2012 AFP. All rights reserved.

SAUDI ARABIA: 25 PEOPLE KILLED AT WEDDING CEREMONY TODAY

In ANYTHING on October 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Electrical fire at Saudi wedding ‘kills 25’

Twenty-five people have died and 30 others were hurt in a fire at a wedding in eastern Saudi Arabia, reports say.

Hundreds were inside the courtyard of a home in the village of Ain Badr, in the Abqaiq region, when the blaze began.

A high-voltage power line reportedly fell down and sent sparks flying after it was hit by celebratory gunfire.

The power line is also believed to have touched a metal door at the only exit from the courtyard, which lead to many of the victims being electrocuted.

Civil Defence Directorate sources told al-Arabiya that most of the casualties were women, though men and children also reportedly died.

Survivors have been taken to the Aramco and Central Abqaiq hospitals.

Civil Defence spokesman Col Mohammed al-Ajami said the governor of Eastern Province had ordered the authorities to investigate the incident.

 

bbcnews

NIGERIA ATTACK: GUNMEN SHOT DEAD 20 PEOPLE

In ANYTHING on October 31, 2012 at 11:52 am

Gunmen suspected to be armed robbers have killed 20 people in a village in the northwest Nigerian state of Zamfara, authorities said on Wednesday, a similar attack to one in June.

Dozens of men armed with guns stormed Kaburu village early on Tuesday morning, demanding money before shooting and hacking people to death, local residents said.

“They were all shot to death while the village head was slaughtered with a sword,” local government spokesman Salihu Anga told Reuters by phone.

At least 27 people were killed in June when suspected armed robbers attacked several villages in Zamfara.

Islamist sect Boko Haram has killed hundreds across the north this year in its campaign for an Islamic state in a country split roughly equally between Christians and Muslims.

Boko Haram mostly attack in northeastern Borno state and its capital Maiduguri, the sect’s base, but a recent military crackdown there has pushed its insurgency into other areas.

On Sunday, a suicide bomber drove a jeep full of explosives into a church in Kaduna, about 70 miles (113 km) from the Zamfara border, killing eight people and triggering reprisals that killed at least two more.

A breakdown of law and order has created opportunities for armed gangs driven more by money than ideology.

Nigeria’s mainly Muslim north celebrated the Islamic Eid al-Adha holiday at the end of last week. Violent crimes often increase in Nigeria around holidays when people carry more cash.

Zamfara, at the base of the Sahel in the far northwest of Africa’s most populous nation, shares a border with Niger.

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